• something to ponder

    no magic wand, no crystal ball

    The therapist only knows what you tell them.  Sure, if the therapist has experience, they could probably surmise some things that you may not have spoken about yet, and hopefully, ask you directly to see if certain things are true for you.  The more you work therapy, the more it will work for you.  The amount of help a therapist can provide is directly proportional to how much work you are willing to do.  This is important to realize because at times, therapists are seen as having some form of magical qualities that will make you ‘better’.    This is not so.  YOU make yourself better by working at making the…

  • something to ponder

    pass the scalpel, please

    If you are contemplating going into therapy for the first time, chances are you are not in a good place in your life; and chances are that you are worried you are entering into psychotherapy hell – will you actually be helping yourself by spending all this money to talk about your past?  Will the therapist diagnose you as crazier than you had thought you were?  Or worse yet, maybe the therapist will laugh and think you’re silly.  Will they understand – and will you be able to explain? All these are possibly valid questions related to the fears you are having, and ultimately it is up to you to…

  • something to ponder

    inner child

    I see this song as sung by the singer’s inner child to the singer.   In Pink’s Family Portrait, the child is her as they are dressed in the same clothes and even have the same beauty marks on their faces. It’s not until she acknowledges this inner child that she gets to a better place.  Pink – Family Portrait So much has been written about inner child work.  The main premise of inner child work centers on the idea that there is an aspect of the adult that remains a child and holds the emotional memories of events and experiences as well as reactions.  This inner child needs to be given a voice.  Usually, as adults, we reject ideas or feelings that…

  • something to ponder

    making changes

    Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” Changing is difficult; taking risks; going down a new path.  Familiar misery feels safer than the unknown leap into something we desire. At times, it is difficult to really see ‘why’ is nothing changing “even though I desire it so?”.  One difficulty is that an individual looks at the horizon, their goal or destination but then does not look at where their feet are planted, nor do they take the next step.   All these inspirational messages are for naught when we cannot apply them to our…

  • mind - body - spirit through song

    alone again, naturally

    This is not a post adressing suicidal thoughts.  If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself, please talk to someone or take yourself to the nearest ER. The song is about loss: being left at the altar, the mother dying, father dying, relationships ending and being alone.  But the critical word, I believe, is ‘naturally’.  The idea that you are alone again, – of course, what else is there for me; I’m forever destined to be alone. http://youtu.be/D_P-v1BVQn8 How we perceive an event and the reason things happen to us is one of the centerpieces of our mental health.  If I think that I’m doomed to be alone…

  • mind - body - spirit through song

    i will survive

    This song is the mantra for many people who grew up in that era and thereafter.  I remember being on the dancefloor where there was always someone crying while dancing, yelling out the lyrics to the song, possbily after one beer too many.  Songs help people identify their emotions, express them and hopefully move on.  This is definitely a ‘I have moved on’ song.  Or more precisely, ‘I’ve moved on, but you seem to think that I will take you back’. http://youtu.be/ZBR2G-iI3-I Sometimes, we hold on to our anger or resentment long after the event has passed.  A person may stay stuck in the grief or the anger of the…

  • something to ponder

    practice makes progress

    Practice makes progress.  You can aspire to perfect, possibly, but only if this aspiration does not leave you feeling like you are eternally falling short.  Self esteem and self confidence come from doing esteemable things.  Doing those things that you would admire yourself for if you were to do them regularly, if they were part of your identity.  What could those things be?  Having plants that live because you are able to take care of them.  Pets that thrive and are happy.  Calling people back.  Not gossiping.  Saying no when you want to say no.  Asking for what you need.  Asking for a raise.  Being a hard worker.  These are…

  • mind - body - spirit through song

    you owe me nothing in return

    Alanis Morissette – You Owe Me Nothing In Return This is someone’s YouTube posting of mostly the lyrics of the song.  I was not able to find an actual video made by Alanis Morissette. This song is intended to be from one person to another.  The general message is to be able to love someone else unconditionally – which is great and is something to strive for.  It is also a message against those relationships where basically, one person is held hostage in the relationship through guilting, blaming and or shaming. The reality though, is that we are all human beings struggling to do the right thing and always imperfectly.   We…

  • mind - body - spirit through song

    just the way you are

    In 2002, I was struggling with my spiritual life.  I basically didn’t have one and was feeling inadequate spiritually.  Whatever I did was not quite the ‘right’ thing or not ‘good enough’.  Then I heard this song on the radio while driving somewhere and it opened up my heart to accept myself and my spirituality just as it was. Billy Joel – Just the Way You Are You too, may be struggling with an aspect of yourself.  We get so much information from various places as to what is a ‘correct’ spiritual practice.  Inevitably, we are not as evolved as we would like to be, or that we think that…

  • something to ponder

    shame and isolation

    Shame and Isolation:  these two states exacerbate mental unwellness.  Shame is essentially, believing in your own low self-worth; your ‘wrongness’; and often, shows your inability to forgive yourself – your sense that possibly you ought not to be forgiven.  If you are ashamed of yourself – your thoughts or your actions, it is very difficult to tell someone else.  There is the fear of being judged or scorned.  Isolation keeps you apart from others that may be able to give you a different perspective on your situation. Shame and isolation are obstacles to healing because they block learning new ways of coping; of viewing the situation differently; or even of…